I find myself thinking of Rain, a beautiful untouchable Rain.
Hello? Do you know that I’m here?
Yes, they know I’m here, I’m not what they want and it’s not my business to ask for them.
Why is it not my business?
Here’s why, they’re not mine to have. They have a life and not the time and energy to devote to someone like me. They’ve already adopted a little broken bird who needs help, someone much younger and more into their same ideas.
What am I asking for?
Love and attention. Not much really, just the kind of things that take up a lot of energy and self. I want a best friend who is physically there and able and willing to hug me. Someone who will hold me and dry my tears and give me a kiss on the cheek. I want to have a sense of emotional intimacy that I don’t have from anyone. Just one person who can share that kind of love without the misconception that I want sex and to take away the love they may have for others.
How is that not my business to ask for?
Because they are the one that i want to have that kind of attention from and they are already giving that to someone else they have deemed more deserving of and they’ve known them longer.
Do they know that’s what I want?
No. They know I want something and I’m to afraid to try and set the record straight. I’d lose to much if I told them.
My contact with them is the precarious little bit I get even though they have all but shut me out. What stories I can gain and physical proximity I can have is more than I’ll get if they know the real truth. I love Rain and want many things but what I want is not attainable so I live with what little bit I can get and try to derive some sense of joy from that.
I love you Rain, I hope someday that you will know what the real truth is but that’s alright.