Anxiety Sucks

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I have anxiety. Plain and simple, among other conditions,  but anxiety is what I’m addressing today.

I’ve had anxiety almost my whole life.  The heart palpitations at just the idea that something is going to change,  changes in ability to control my body functions (stress induced gas or burping) or diarrhea  that comes on suddenly when stressed out or  just getting sick and dizzy. I can’t help it.  I can try and slow it downor decrease the affects but if i have an anxiety attack or even a panic attack i can’t just turn it off.  I wish i could though.

I bet anyone who had this problem can understand.  Not everyone had the same symptoms though.  Some people eat uncontrollably.  Some start yelling,  or shaking or even shut down altogether.

I recently got in trouble and i think it’s part of what caused me to have lost a large group at work and i got screamed at by the boss. She was screaming at me over the phone with every combination you can use the f word in or  conjugate it into.  I got quiet at first,  my head shut off, i started crying and almost just threw  the phone down and walked out .  I was scared!  I couldn’t handle it and started crying in front of the customers when trying to do my job. I didn’t tell anyone what the problem was but they could see that i was extremely upset. That while night was an absolute nightmare and i was yelled at for maybe five minutes. I was at the point i could’ve walked out at any moment and just quit without caring i was so upset. I don’t want to go near my boss now or back to work, i just want to pretend that the day and situation didn’t happen or that I’ve  ever worked there. One of the many side effects of anxiety (and other issues).

Maybe tonight will be better.  I hope so.

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