This past week has been sheer hell. I’ve spent the time going back-and-forth between packing, sorting, searching for shelter, trying to protect my child, keeping in contact with the school, trying not to be affected by the flying monkeys my roommate/aunt throws at me, the continuous panic/anxiety attacks and more.
I found someone who could take me in as early as tomorrow night so I’m going to prepare for that. The roommate/aunt saw me going through my stuff and realized that I could be gone sooner than she’d originally anticipated. She stopped next to my bed, which is situated in the dining room, and said “I won’t say anything if you don’t” and went back to her room where she proceeded to write the letter that when she shoved it in my hands and said something about the second page and left. When I sat down to read it I started having a full blown panic attack. I was glued to my seat even though I could feel the contents of my bowels turn to diarrhea and went numb and shaky. I had hoped that my young son hadn’t seen or been the wiser to what she’d just done or the effects but I think he saw anyways because when I had him draw me a picture using whatever colors he wanted of whatever he wanted he chose my black chalk and drew a black cloud with a black lightening bolt striking down what looked like a woman. Scared the crap out of me so badly I couldn’t see the image itself last night, looked like a big black blob so I sent the image to the friend of mine that I’d called to try and help me with my panic attack. She said that my son wants my roommate/aunt to die. When I looked at the image again today I could see the image and I agree, it’s a female figure being struck and killed by lightening and it’s most likely my roommate/aunt.
I could not be more afraid at this moment than I currently am. If I were I’d’ve have probably had a real heart attack it hurt that badly. I am so glad I had my friend helping me through it last night, she very well could have saved my life helping talk me down from all of this. Unfortunately I may have caused her to get sick and possibly have her own anxiety/panic attack in regard to my situation.
I am going to go to my friends house tomorrow and hopefully she’ll be ready for my kid and me. If not I’ll take him to a hotel and spend the night there but we won’t be going back to my roommate/aunt. I’m willing to get a bicycle and trailer to ride him and I out there myself so that we’re not sitting still I’m that afraid; come hell or high water we will not be sitting still when the Devil comes to call that last time. To help us out he will miss the last week of school but it’s worth it to keep us safe and on the road to recovery.
This last year-and-a-half in hell has really taken it’s toll on me and my child but we are stronger than we realize and my child has shown a bravery that he doesn’t understand. I hope that I’m setting the necessary example to him to help show how to be brave in the face of evil and learn how to recognize safety and find your safety zone. I’ve been impressed with myself and how I’ve not given much information away and how I’ve prepared in emergencies and how I’m dealing with setbacks.
My child is possibly the bravest person I know and I hope to be able to continue to raise him to adulthood so that even if he never understands fully what he’s been through that he can still rise above the trauma of the situation and show the world what an amazing person he is. I’m going to be looking into therapy for us, not just him because he’s not the only one effected by the trauma at the hands of Gollum the roommate/aunt, this will be for both of us. I’m working out the housing situation for South Carolina, going to be paying in advance for the room and I’m trying to get the address so I know where exactly where we’re going to wind up.